Not sure if I should post this...

but I will. Now - where to begin?

This post was supposed to be a happy post: one where we got to shout from the rooftops - that Ryan was going to be a big brother. We found out about a month ago that we were expecting and were overjoyed. We had been trying for some time and had similar issues when we were trying for Ryan.

We wanted to wait to tell anyone until we were sure that the baby was growing and healthy - especially with my history of miscarriage. Sadly, this post is not filled with happy news. Two weeks ago, we discovered that although the baby had a heartbeat, it was a weak heartbeat and it was not growing and that there really wasn't much hope. The baby should have been measuring close to 9 weeks but was only measuring at about 6 and a half. After a grueling week of tears and sadness, it was confirmed that our baby had passed away. We are obviously devastated and sad beyond words. I had a D&C on Thursday the 4th and am now recovering pretty well - at least physically. I don't think I will ever understand why we now have two angel babies to watch over us. I get sad, angry, mad, and every other range of emotion. For those of you who emailed, called, sent flowers and cards: Thank you. It means more to me than you can ever know.

Hopefully we'll be able to add to our family in the coming year and we'll shout from the rooftops at that time. In the meantime, hug your loved ones and keep them close and safe.