sigh...my own personal ramblings....

This blog is really supposed to be for passing along all the wonderful things that happen to us as a family. I like to document Ryan's accomplishments, our reactions, and the pictures that help me remember the smallest of detail. I feel as though I'm missing a huge part of our life by not posting my own personal feelings. So this post is just that: my own personal ramblings/feelings/thoughts/emotions.

There is a Wordsworth poem about a little girl who refuses to forget her siblings who have passed away. I won't post it here but it's a really nice poem. I hope that Ryan one day realizes that he has had siblings that he won't get to meet. I know that I will never forget...

The sadness can be all-consuming. No one knows. I put up a good "face". It makes me sad: No one grieves for this child. People just don't know what to say when a woman loses a pregnancy. They offer logic and religion. "It wasn't meant to be..." "God wasn't ready to give up one of his own...." "There was something wrong..."

Perhaps because there is no funeral, no name, no legacy left on the earth, people dismiss this grief as though it can pass as quickly as the child who left too early. But it's not easy. I will carry them with me everyday of my life. I just cannot believe I will never hold two of my children. I will always have 3 children - only one of which who is with me.

Rest easy my precious babies. One day I will get to hold you too.

Love,

Mommy