Forty weeks

I swore I would never ever ever complain about being pregnant.  It's something that I wanted for so long that I didn't feel like I ever had the "right" to complain.  After all, this is something that I wished for...prayed for...longed for...cried for...and wanted with everything I am or ever would be. And for whatever reason, I got it. Whatever Amazingly Divine Reason - I got the one wish that I ever remembered wanting and wishing for. 

I have tried to be positive and not be one of those women who are pregnant and that's all they can talk about (although I'm sure I've had my moments).

And now here I am - Forty Weeks and Three Days pregnant.  Not really very significant to most - especially if you don't know the journey that we've been down.  Not just to have this baby but to have Ryan too.  It's been a long road...and in essence a long FIVE plus year road.    Filled with more downs than ups....filled with more stress and tears than most (not all) marriages have faced...and culminating in this wonderful and glorious addition to the Martin Family.   And for as "patient" as I've been - I'm honestly tired of waiting.

Ryan is three.  Actually he's three years, 3 months and several days but who's counting?  Want to know when I started wanting a 2nd baby?  Before Ryan was born.  Yeah - before I even held him in my arms.   It subsided for a few months - until I was able to sleep again.  But it was there.   And it took us until he was 2 and a half to actually be blessed with another baby and that's the condensed version of the cliff-notes.

That's a lot of waiting.

So, when I tell you that I dont' want to complain - please take it with a grain of salt.  I'm just tired of waiting - that's my complaint.   Not necessarily tired of being pregnant....just tired of waiting.   I love feeling her move around - even if it hurts to try to get comfy while sitting on the couch.   Even if my feet look like something out of Mrs. Doubtfire.  Even if I have strange blotches on my legs or I can't quite shave as close as I'd like.  It's all worth it.   But I'm tired of waiting.

Please don't tell me "you're only a couple of days overdue" or "try to relax".  Because I might just kill you.  Seriously.  Or we might not be friends anymore.  That's how much it bothers me. 

I've waited a LONG time.  And I'm ready to hold her in my arms.  And kiss her sweet head.  And smell her sweet baby smell.  And try to figure out who she looks like.  Oh - and give her a name. 

So - although I'm savoring these last days of pregnancy....and enjoying getting a full night's sleep....and making new memories with just Ryan - I'm ready to meet her.  Whomever she turns out to be:  Amanda Marie or Natalie Jean.

I love you already my sweet sweet girl.  Now let's get this show on the road on our own.  We don't need any medication - we just need to make it happen.

Anxiously but lovingly yours,
Mommy